My heart goes out to survivors who find the holidays difficult and depressing due to horrific memories of the criminal who assaulted them during this time of the year. I pray you find a good therapist to help you resurrect your spirit and you learn to enjoy a life that far surpasses your hopes and dreams. I pray one day you grow strong enough to crush those dark memories and replace them with new memories filled with endless peace and joy.
Meanwhile, I would like to suggest that you to start writing about the good memories you want to have some day. Write in detail about everything you see, hear, feel, taste, and touch. If you’re not sure how to begin, I’d like to give you a couple of ideas. Maybe start off writing about a far away sound or a close one, and let your heart guide you to your holiday paradise. Where are you? If you’re indoors, what’s an object in the room you’re curious about? Pick it up and do something with it. How much light is in the room, and how does it make you feel? If you’re outdoors, describe everything you see, hear, feel, touch, and taste. Describe every detail.
Start focusing on exactly what you want no matter how impossible it may seem to you right now. Believe it will happen. Pray for it to come. Keep your dream alive, and it will keep you alive until it becomes your reality.